Thinking Torah Blog

I often get calls from families as their loved one approaches death, wanting to discuss the next steps. The call can come weeks or days before the end, and sometimes even hours. I listen and give the family member time to communicate, and then I encourage that person to return to the bedside of their loved one and be present with them. Our tradition encourages us to stay present with the dying and not get ahead of where they are. In a sense, our sages are saying to us, “Don’t act as though the living person is already dead.”

Over the last few days, there have been thousands of social media posts regarding Shiri, Ariel, and Kfir Bibas. The Jewish world mournfully anticipated the return of their remains. In response, the Bibas family asked that Shiri and the children not be eulogized and mourned before official confirmation of their identity. I can think of several reasons they might have asked this, but in the last hour or so, I’ve come to see even greater wisdom in their request. The Israeli government has stated that they have received Kfir and Ariel’s remains, but that the other body returned is not Shiri. I can only imagine the agony of this moment for Yarden Bibas and the rest of his extended family. I can also imagine that Yarden would still want us to refrain from eulogizing Shiri, that in some way, she still is not dead, that a glimmer of hope might still remain, that waiting to eulogize her is a way of being present with her.

Especially with the agonizing return of the children’s bodies, it has been hard for the Jewish world to focus on anything else, and yet, we also know there was another body returned today, that of Oded Lifshitz. Oded was a founder of his kibbutz, Nir Oz, and a longtime peace activist. He worked tirelessly for peace and the rights of Palestinians. We’ve lost the chance to know what Oded would be doing now, but I hope that even after all that has happened, he would maintain hope and desire for peace. I hope that is true for all of us. Even after all that has happened, we haven’t given up on peace and all the sacrifice that comes with making peace.